A big question on both Rachel's and my mind these days is "what is my calling"? For me, I worry alot about my future...do I have what it takes to be a pastor or to plant a church? What kind of ministry is God preparing me for? Now that I'm surrounded by people who are pursuing the same goal, I am so tempted to always be comparing myself with others: would I be a better/worse pastor than him or her? Rachel is also struggling with this question as she seeks to find a job here. She is unsure about her career and what she wants to pursue, and her worries go even deeper: what is my purpose?
We went to a seminar at the seminary last week, and the leader led us through passages in Scripture in which the word "call" appeared in the New Testament. Maybe surprisingly, the word usually does not refer to a specific vocation. Instead, I noticed that usually it referred to being called simply to follow Christ. Romans 1:6 puts it this way: "you who are called to belong to Jesus Christ." We are not primarily called to a career. We are called to belong to Jesus Christ. I was reminded of the tremendous freedom that really understanding that gives me. Instead of striving and grinding my soul in the pursuit of finding my "call", trying to prove to myself and to others that I really do have a purpose, I can instead just focus on my first call: to belong to Christ. I can rest; because no matter what I do with my life -- if I die tomorrow and never accomplish anything or if I become a pastor of a 10,000 member church, I belong to God -- my status before Him does not change. So instead of second guessing all of my decisions and wondering if I'm following God's will, I can just rest, do my best with the gifts God's given me, and let God do the rest, taking steps of faith along the way. God, help me to live each day with that goal. What an incredible freedom it is to just let go and to rest.